Harkening back to a time when MTV actually played music videos for most of its broadcasting hours, one thing that the 1990s most certainly has over the present day was the sheer volume of moments when the worlds of cinema and pop music would collide in a glorious union of inescapable cross-promotional synergy. Once seen as a uniquely powerful method to stoke interest amidst the key demographics of teenagers and young adults before the advent of the Internet helped beam trailers, teasers and trailer/teaser announcements straight onto their smart devices, the pop song/movie tie-in was at its peak during this decade, and as a result had its fair share of clunkily bemusing misfires, especially in the latter half of the decade (seriously 1999, what the eff??)

So without further ado, here are my picks for…

THE TOP 10 WORST MOVIE TIE-IN POP SONG SINGLES OF THE 1990S

10 :: “Don’t Say You Love Me” by M2M from Pokemon The First Movie (1999)

Norwegian teen-pop duo M2M’s debut single is probably the best song on this list, a cutely curt rebuff of a lascivious suitor that contains enough pleasant bounce to qualify as being quite-good-actually. It only earns a place here for being incredibly none-to-do-whatsoever with the film it is trying to promote (extreme cuteness aside, obviously), unless the first instalment in the anime series’ spinoff skein initially contained a scene of Brock making a move on Nurse Joy in Mewtwo’s secret home cinema room on his nightmarish cloning lab that was left on the cutting room floor?

9 :: “Deepest Bluest (Shark’s Fin)” by LL Cool J from Deep Blue Sea (1999)

In my heart of hearts, I cannot be mad at this stunning slice of ridiculous cross-promotion, purely because even if the conceit of rapping from the perspective of a genetically-enhanced shark as it tears its way through an underwater laboratory is profoundly stupid, Mr Cool James commits to it with an appropriately bloodthirsty tenacity, his innate charisma, charm and absolute rippedness in enough abundant supply that he almost turns one of the most flummoxing choruses in movie soundtrack history into something cool. Almost.

8 :: “Another Brick In The Wall, Pt. 2” by Class Of ’99 from The Faculty (1998)

The sci-fi/horror/pro-drugs adventure flick had quite the hysterical advertising campaign to promote itself with, including a series of TV spot tie-ins with Tommy Hilfiger and the creation of a rock supergroup to perform a cover of Pink Floyd’s anti-establishment classic. Much like the film itself though, the final product is serviceable but doesn’t quite ascend to the rebellious heights of its influences, especially in Layne Staley’s dispirited vocals, a facet given an extra layer of tragedy when you consider that this was the beleaguered artist’s final studio performance before passing away.

7 :: “I’ll Be Your Everything” by Youngstown from Inspector Gadget (1999)

Of the crop of “male vocal harmony groups” to materialise off the back of the successes of Backstreet Boys and NSYNC in the late 1990s, Youngstown were definitely one of the most anonymously blandsome, the trio making its deepest dent in the pop market with this attempt at flirty R&B pop that bewilderingly tries to sexify the goofy theme tune to the fondly remembered ‘80s cartoon series in an effort to promote the Matthew Broderick-starring live-action adaptation. Not-So-Fun Fact: Rapper Skee-Lo is a credited writer on the track, which explains everything and nothing at all.

6 :: “Wild Wild West” by Will Smith featuring Kool Mo Dee and Dru Hill from Wild Wild West (1999)

Regarded by the man himself as the first huge misfire in his film career, Will Smith nevertheless showed enough commitment in promoting the misbegotten behemoth of steampunk tawdriness to try and repeat his Men In Black double-tap of matching film and pop hit chart toppers. Studio-banked hustling dues aside though, there is nothing here to be proud of from all parties involved, particularly Sisqo’s strained warbling of the irrepressible melody to Stevie Wonder’s “I Wish” and Salma Hayek returning for the video in a somehow even more humiliating version of her film character.

5 :: “How Do I Deal” by Jennifer Love Hewitt from I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

Though then-teen starlet Hewitt’s attempt at pop-stardom off the back of a fledgling movie career doesn’t feel like so much of a stretch when you realise that she had actually released three albums before she gained fame as a TV star on Party Of Five (1994-2000), the choice of pairing this adult-contemporary country-pop ballad with the nasty slasher sequel is still an ill fit, especially when the music video amusingly crosscuts between Hewitt winsomely belting her heart out and footage of her castmates screaming and running away.

4 :: “Word Up” by Mel B from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Scary Spice Melanie Brown’s music career away from her initial stint with the Spice Girls seemed to be bedevilled by one misstep after another outside of the group, a key case in point being this pointless re-tread of Cameo’s swaggering 80s dance hit. Released as a stand-alone project in the UK, it somehow ended up being included on the second Austin Powers movie’s first soundtrack compilation, complete with a moon-based music video featuring Verne Troyer miming producer Timbaland’s ad-libs, despite clearly not syncing with that series’ fondness for 60s nostalgia.

3 :: “Addams Family (Whoomp!)” by Tag Team from Addams Family Values (1993)

Whilst the hip hop duo’s legacy may have heralded more egregious variants of their inescapably huge hit single than this particular version, it finds a spot on my list solely for soliciting the sheer indignity of having Christina Ricci’s Wednesday Addams, the greatest teenage hero in 90s cinema, dance and mime along to the insufferable cheap cash-in. Not-So-Fun-Fact: The reason we got this rush-job monstrosity in the first place was thanks to original choice Michael Jackson having to drop out due to his legal troubles at the time.

2 :: “Come With Me” by Puff Daddy featuring Jimmy Page from Godzilla (1998)

One could argue that Jamiroquai’s “Deeper Underground” is a better fit for being inappropriately tied to Roland Emmerich’s lambasted instalment of the kaiju film series in the sense that unlike the film it is actually rather good. However, Sean Combs’ delve into hard rock via a lengthy interpolation of Led Zeppelin’s unimpeachable “Kashmir” matches the film in terms of misguided bombast that seeks to blindside you with utmost epicness, but instead falls flat on its face with bathetic bravado.

(N.B. New drinking game; do a shot every time Puff exclaims “Uh-huh… Yeeaa!” and see how far you get…)

1 :: “Gotham City” by R Kelly from Batman And Robin (1997)

There’s a lot to unpack here. The cloying lyrics professing one of the most famously terrorised cities in popular culture as a city of justice, love and peace; the lazy transposition of the “I Believe I Can Fly” sonic template less than a year after the success of Space Jam; the extended gospel choir tail-out that feels like it goes on forever; the ham-fisted seriousness with which the song deports itself, at odds with the campy tone of the film it is trying to promote. Perhaps tellingly though given the reprehensible monster at the centre of it, the whole exercise feels flat, hokey, phoned-in and insincere, the exact opposite of the kind of inspiring triumph it is trying to cheaply evoke. This is the worst song for any decade really, and its reputation should be remembered as such.

And that is my final selection; do you agree or have I missed anything? Please leave a comment below and let me know. In the meantime, stay classy and safe everyone, and in the spirit of sifting through all of this awfulness, I’ll sign off with one of the best line deliveries from the movies ever.

xxxo